And Now For Something Completely Different

Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

I know, I know, I've been neglectful. I don't have a new recipe for you (although I have several ideas for some brewing in my "test kitchen." Be patient and they will show themselves soon.) So here's why.

I have winter blues hardcore. I've had this problem for years. I mean I have the blues year-round, but they become pretty crippling in the winter months. To top it off, I live pretty close to here:

while boyfriend lives pretty close to here:

To put it plainly, the entire continental United States is between us. It gets a bit tough when I could really use a hug. My arms are really (really) short and I don't think they can reach that far.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I have been feeling awful lately. I've had multiple funks. I've had several panic attacks. I've had migraines and stomachaches that have made me feel pretty darn close to death. Well, I could be exaggerating a little bit, couldn't I? The point is, I've been feeling pretty under the weather both mentally and physically, and with flu season just around the corner, I'm pretty sure that my Celiac immune system will not rise to the challenge.

Being someone who just likes to shut down and reboot, much like my laptop, I have decided to put myself on a one-week detox diet as of November 1st. Then it came to me: as someone aspiring to become an ND and DC someday, why not log my experience and review it for you all? Then something else came to me: why not, from time to time, review a few of the more popular detox diets in circulation?

I'm going to start with something really short, this time. I actually got this from the NTA reading list, since I would like to participate with this program someday and get a licence to be a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP). It's true, by the way, that I'd like a long string of letters behind my name; it's only because I'd like to bring the very best to my clients, when I have them.

This one comes from a Canadian ND.

As of November 1st, I will be doing the 7-Day Detox Miracle diet. I've already read this book, and it seems to be pretty solid. The biggest problems I have with this diet are:

1. It's not primal. They suggest the eating rice (and lots of it) on days 3-7 of this diet. The first two days are just a liquid fast to let the organs rest. I plan on doing this cleanse as primally as possible, so no rice.
2. I have to eat VEGAN for SEVEN. WHOLE. DAYS. Okay as I've said before, I love me some dairy. I also like eggs. And meat. I love meat. I cannot express how sad that I am to give up some of my favorites for a whole week. Also, nuts are discouraged until after the cleanse. So I'm allowed to eat fruits and vegetables and ONLY fruits and vegetables for a week straight. However, this won't be too far off base. I'm sure our ancestors went for a week or even longer without meat when the hunting wasn't that great. I'm just saying that my family grumbles at Mondays because I do Meatless Mondays and they think it's a pain then. Wait until I go a whole WEEK without meat. Oh, but if you read any of the books about the French not getting fat, they only eat meat 2-3 times a week TOPS most of the time. Americans were the same until factory farming, which we all know is evil and produces awful meat anyway.

So today I went to my local grocery store (Wegmans, for those of you who have them) and after gazing longingly at some brie, stalked off to the health food aisles to prepare for my week long cleanse. 

Essentially for the first two days, I'm allowed water, lemon water, and tea (I got this one). That's it. If I can't take pills on an empty stomach (I certainly cannot. My GI tract hates me most of the time, even if I'm not eating gluten) then I can have rice protein powder. Since I'm turning down the rice, I went with a plant-based protein powder. I also got some probiotics, since I can't have my Greek yogurt or even Kombucha. The book suggests a probiotic supplement anyway, to foster some happy happy happy gut flora. Since the detox touts the benefits of vitamin C as an antioxidant and gut cleanser, I got 500 mg of vegan vitamin C tablets. I bought some Milk Thistle to cleanse my liver, and (completely on a whim) got an Ayurvedic GI tract cleanse. Also, I got some Dr. Bronner's unscented soap since the detox either requires that all of the veg you eat is organic, or at the very least, that you wash it in Castile soap and water.

I've been looking for vegan paleo recipes so that I can at least enjoy what I eat (the French advocate pleasure in all things, especially food.) So far, I find that some of these look really tasty. I can't eat anything with nuts for the cleanse and absolutely no chocolate (biggest bummer of them all) but some of the entree dishes seem worth trying.

I will try to update everyone on my preparation for this great adventure into detox as I continue. Until then, I hope to have a new recipe up soon, and will try to come up with a detox-friendly recipe during my cleanse week. Best wishes!

- Michaela

Au Gratin

When I was young, my parents would make those nasty boxed au gratin potatoes. I despised these potatoes with every inch of my being. When my parents split, since my dad couldn't cook, he'd make them and serve them with ham steak and canned waxed beans. Yuck! As an extra added coincidence, while I was telling my boyfriend about this week's recipe, he mentioned that his parents, too, used to make ham steak with au gratin potatoes; he, too, cannot stand either.

This recipe is much better. First of all, nothing comes from a box. How on earth anyone thinks cheese sauce in a box is a good idea is beyond me. It's probably the same people who make the cheese sauce for Kraft Mac-n-Cheese. To each their own, I suppose. But no, this is made from scratch. Second of all, the potatoes are replaced by swiss chard.

Swiss chard is a dark leafy green with bright red stems (I think it looks a bit like rhubarb). It's related to the beet, which is why the red stems taste very very much like a beet. The green leaves are rich and dark and reminiscent of kale. Chard is chock full of phytonutrients and antioxidents; it's also an excellent source of vitamins K, A, and C and magnesium.

This recipe is not dairy free, so if you're concerned about that, please see my note about dairy. Also, this recipe does require the ability to multitask. I know, I know; multitasking really isn't that good for your brain, but the results are totally worth it.

Swiss Chard Au Gratin

For this recipe, you will need:

• 2 bunches of Swiss chard
• 2 Tbs goose (or duck or bacon) fat -- I used goose because I have a huge vat of it in my freezer from the goose I made last Christmas.
• 1 tsp salt
• 3 Tbs lemon juice
• 1 egg yolk
• 1/4 cup plain Greek yogurt
• 2 cups whole grass-fed milk
• 1 Tb butter
• 1 C parmasean cheese
• Salt and pepper to taste

1. First you'll need wash the chard and separate the stalks from the leaves. I find it easiest to do the latter by folding the leaf in half around the stem and then running a very sharp knife down the "spine" of the leaf. If there's still tiny bits of leaf attached to the stem, that's fine. It's just that you're going to saute the stem and blanch the leaves so it's pretty hard to do that while they're still fully attached.
2. Once you have your stems separated, you should chop them into small bits -- about 1/4 inch in length. Make sure you get them all about the same size so that they cook evenly.
3. Heat up a skillet and melt your goose (or duck or bacon) fat over medium-high heat. Drop in your chard stem bits and then pour 1 Tb of the lemon juice over the top. Saute until the bits shrink a bit and are nice and tender.
4. While the bits are sauteing, put some salted water on to boil for the leaves. In a separate saucepan (see, I told you about the multitasking) whisk together your egg yolk and yogurt. Turn the heat up on this and slowly add your milk and bring to a simmer.
5. Once your bits are nice and tender, deglaze your pan and bits with the remaining 2 Tbs of lemon juice. Remove the bits from the pan and set aside while leaving the liquid behind. Add the liquid to your dairy mixture. Once the dairy is simmering happily, remove it from the heat so that you don't scald it.
6. Once your water is boiling, get a bowl of ice water ready. Drop one handful of your chard leaves in and let them wilt down for a few minutes -- no longer than five (5). With a slotted spoon, remove your leaves and drop them into the ice water to halt the cooking process. Repeat until all of your leaves are cooked. Strain the water out of the leaves and then mix them with the stem bits. 
7. Butter (or goose fat up) a two-inch (2") deep casserole pan. Spread a thin layer of the dairy sauce in the bottom. Add in half of your chard, half of the remaining dairy sauce, and then half of the cheese. Repeat once more: the remaining half of the chard, half of the sauce, and the rest of the cheese. Top with pats of butter.
8. Pop in a preheated oven (375 F) for half an hour until bubbling and then pop under the broiler for an additional five (5) minutes to brown the top. 
9. Serve nice and hot with your favorite dinner. I had mine with a roasted chicken and it was super yummy. 
10. Enjoy! :)

A Note About Dairy

Okay so as you've noticed, I consume a lot of dairy for one who is paleo. While I will try to represent dairy-free recipes on here as well, I will admit that I'm more primal (of the Mark Sisson's Primal Blueprint variety -- see link below) than paleo. There are some things that I just can't seem to give up, and dairy is one of them. I think it has to do with my torrid love affair with cheese. I personally have no problem digesting dairy, although I do consume fewer servings per day than the SAD (Standard American Diet) would have me do. If you do want to use dairy like I do, then great! I use raw cheese when I can find it, plain full-fat Greek yogurt, pastured and/or cultured butter, and non-homogenized whole grass-fed milk. I'd use raw milk if I could get it, but thanks to the laws in the bonny state of New York, I can only get raw milk if I buy a cow for $100 and then pay to board it at $25 a month. On a twenty-something's  budget, I just can't make this happen as much as I desperately want some raw milk.

If you don't want dairy, here are some suggestions to replace it:

I'd replace milk, cream, and yogurt in my dishes with full-fat coconut milk. The cream and Greek yogurt can be replaced by putting a can of coconut milk in the fridge overnight and then spooning the solid stuff off the top. You can also use coconut Kefir (Mark Sisson has a lovely recipe for that here.)

If you're looking to replace butter; coconut oil, ghee, or any animal fat will work best. In bread recipes, I'd suggest using an animal fat since coconut oil tends to add it's own flavor to the mix and messes with the simple taste of bread. In the fall and winter months, I'd suggest goose or duck fat because:

1. It's goose and duck season.
2. It's very French (think foie gras and duck a l'orange.)
3. I will because I have a huge frozen vat of rendered goose fat in my freezer from when I made a Christmas goose last year.

For the rest of the year, go ahead and use bacon fat. You know you want to anyway! ;)   For the sweeter recipes, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to use the coconut oil. I will end up using ghee in certain recipes anyway, so just use that when I do.

As far as cheese goes, I'm sorry but I just can't find a replacement for it. Like I said, I have a love affair with cheese. I will say that I am not much for processed cheese; I much prefer the brie and the chevre and the aged artisan cheddar over the slice of American or deli provolone. If you're still on the edge about cheese, go raw if you can. Some recipes I'm sure you could even omit it altogether. Others, however, the cheese is central. Just use your best judgement in these cases.

Let Them Eat Cake

Or Brioche, for that matter. The famous quote attributed to Marie Antoinette actually comes from Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau where he says that he recalls a "great princess who was told that the peasants had no bread, and who responded: Let them eat brioche."

The reason that this quote was notoriously pushed off on Marie Antoinette and keeps popping up in political context is because brioche is and was so much richer than bread and is made with tons and tons of (surprise) butter. This made brioche so much more expensive than bread, making the originator of this quote appear as if they had a major disconnect with their people and truly didn't understand the problem.

Like cake, brioche is very sweet, buttery, and fluffy; so it's no surprise that over the years, "Let them eat brioche" morphed into "Let them eat cake." Brioche is absolutely amazing when served with your favorite jam, jelly, or fruit butter. I eat mine with this absolutely divine plum butter that my mom makes. If I can confiscate the recipe, I'll let you all in on the secrets of making that too.


Primal Brioche

• 1 C coconut flour
• 1/4 C arrowroot starch plus extra for dusting
• 1/2 C butter (cold but not frozen)
• 6 eggs (+ 1 for the egg wash)
• 2 1/2 tsp raw honey
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1 pack yeast
• 2 T milk
• 1 tsp xanthan gum
• 1 orange

1. The best way to start this off is to get the yeast going. Yeast really likes three things: warmth, sugar, and Vitamin C. So to wake the yeast up, warm up some water and pour it in a small dish, stir in 1/2 of the teaspoon of honey. Roll the orange between your palms and your counter top until the orange feels soft underneath your hands. Go ahead and smell that orange. No seriously, go ahead. Slice the orange in half and juice it into your dish. Add the packet of yeast and just walk away.
2. Sift together your coconut flour, arrowroot starch, and xanthan gum. Add half that mixture into the bowl of an electric stand mixer with the eggs and milk. Once the mixture starts to come together, pour in your yeast and let that continue to mix until it's well blended. Cover your bowl with a clean towel and go read a book for an hour.
3. When you come back, add the rest of your flour with the rest of the honey and the salt and mix together until it's all homogenized. Let the dough rest while you prepare your butter.
4. This is the fun part. Get out a cutting board and a rolling pin. Beat the ever-living bejeezus out of your butter until it's flat. Scrape it up, fold it in half, and beat that butter again. Rinse and repeat until your butter is plastic but not soft. Cut your butter into small rectangles and set aside. It's probably a good idea to put it in a bowl and pop the butter back in the fridge while you prep your dough.
5. Sprinkle a generous layer of your starch out on the counter or a cutting board and pour your dough out. Sprinkle more starch on the top. Your dough will be really sticky so I think it's best if you skip the rolling pin and press your dough out with your hands into a rectangular shape. 
6. Bring your butter back out of the fridge. Imagine your dough is divided into thirds. Put half of your butter in the center third of your dough and fold one of the outside thirds over the top like a blanket. Go ahead and tuck that in. Add the rest of your butter bits on top of this and fold the final third over the top. Add the whole shebang back into your mixer bowl and knead on low for another 2-5 minutes until the butter is completely incorporated.
7. Cover your mixer bowl with plastic wrap and pop it in the fridge overnight.
8. The next day is baking day. Now, brioche is typically made in traditional fluted cups. If you have these in your kitchen, that's fantastic. You'll need 12 small ones. For the rest of us who don't have the pretty cups, a muffin tin works just as well and that's precisely what I used. Smear some butter in each of these with a paper towel.
9. Take your dough out of the fridge. I find that a 1 oz ice cream/cookie scoop works really well. Put a heaping scoop in each of your muffin cups and press it down with your fingers. Make a small dent in the center of your dough. Add one more scoop on top of the dent to make the signature "head" on your brioche. Cover with a clean towel and let it rise for three hours. Now would be a good time to sit down with some wine or hot chocolate and watch a movie.
10. After the three hours have passed, lift up the towel and smell that yeasty goodness that floods out from underneath. Make up an egg wash with the last egg and a splash of water. Brush that over the top of your brioche and pop it into a preheated 375 F oven for 20-30 minutes until golden brown.
11. Top with your favorite jam and enjoy! :)